Losing a Loved One

I wrote this on 18th June 2021, where I experienced my second major heartbreak in life. Losing something so dearly makes your heart shatter because a very significant part of you just gone like that. My dog, my companion, my best friend of 8 years just died from a kidney and heart failure.

It breaks my heart seeing her suffer for the past few weeks. Last Thursday was basically a turning point. Everything changed from the way she breathed, walked, and the way she greeted us by the door when we got home.

It feels like we’re not the only one losing her but she has too lost herself, the bundle of joy that would light up the entire room is now gone. She would vomit every time she eats, doesn’t even wiggle her tail every time she sees us, and seeing that with your own eyes just breaks your heart to the tiniest pieces, and until this day, it’s still broken.

I took a picture of her today, not knowing that it would be the last photo during her existence. I thought she was in a deep sleep, laying on one side, but it turned out her feet turned cold, and her body was hard as a rock. When I touched it, I immediately burst into tears, realizing that she’s not a living soul anymore.

As I was crying in grief, many questions came into mind. “Is she here? Her physical body may be in our hands right now, but is her spiritual self here the entire time?” Surprisingly, after hours of crying and commemorating our times together, I learned it was easy to let go and I said my last ‘goodbye’ and ‘thank you’. The fact that she’s now a liberated soul, not experiencing pain once more, made a huge relief and happiness for her and me.

Human relationship with animals is interesting. Though we may not share the same language and form, nevertheless, we are able connect deeply with them; after all, we are all creatures of the Earth. I remember so vividly the day before and the day she died, she looked through my eyes for a brief moment. Not only mine, though, but also to the rest of my family.

It’s like she’s trying to convey a message to us that she’ll be leaving soon, that she’s thankful for everything we have done to her. But of course, because of the language barrier, we can only express it with our glares.

This experience made me realize that physical bond may be temporary, but emotional bond is forever. It’s unreal to think that each person you loved today, or someday, will be gone, leaving the memories, emotions, and lessons that will most definitely impact your life, and shape you differently, whether you let it or not.

You will be missed, Mayo.